Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Gigs in Japan…without Roald Dahl

So I am sitting at a dining table on a verandah in the rainforest after an amazing Lamb roast dinner listening to stories of visiting Japan with Sean Connery and Roald Dahl and of life in London in the theatre in the 60’s. That is not a situation in which yer average lad from Yorkshire often finds himself.

Despite Cyclone weather and flooded roads, I made it up to Port Douglas in the North Queensland tropics and spent two days with Diane Cilento an incredible woman who started life as the daughter of two highly respected medics in Brisbane and through her determination, went to England to study theatre at the Royal Academy. Diane went on to become a successful actress, writer and director and was nominated for an Academy Award. In addition to all this she become dubbed Mrs James Bond when she married Sean Connery which invariably lead to some problems often associated with excessive fame …people breaking into her house, stalking her kids etc..

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Shark attacks, cyclones, forest fires, Irish dancing on smack

Australia really is an island of extremes. At the moment, over 100 people have been killed in Victoria among uncontrollable forest fires and roads are blocked in the north of Queensland as Cyclone weather disrupts travel networks. I am due to meet with ex hollywood actress Diane Cilento whom I originally contacted over a year ago to ask permission to use some of her dialogue which I sampled from film “The Wickerman” for use in an Ernest track (Ernest being my former band). We have stayed in touch since and after almost meeting at an ‘exit calm’ gig in London last year, we will finally meet in person hopefully when I manage to get to Cairns. I sent Diane a copy of the Man-made album and she has offered me a gig at her rain forest theatre after the rainy season so I must return!

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The art of living…Happy new year

Hope you had a great xmas and may the new year bring you all yer greedy little hopes and aspirations.

After flying into Melbourne, I went to stay with My cousin and her family (The lovely Slingsby’s) in the suburbs and had an awesome 10 days. They have emigrated over as do many british citizens to live the life of their dreams.

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Squashed toe and hot water beach

The other day I went to Hot water beach. Sounds a little strange. The sea is pretty cold as most seas are, however you can make your own hot spa.

Just hire a spade from the local shop, then head down to a spot by the rocks on the sand and dig a hole. You have to do this two hours either side of low tide in order for it to be possible because the ’special’ place gets covered by the sea most of the day.  As with most holes that are dug in sand at sea level, they fill with water however at this location a fresh spring water reservoir which is heated geothermically seeps up to fill your hole with water at a temperature of roughly 60 degrees Celsius..thats HOT! Its too hot for most people to bathe in, so by mixing your very own spa water with a couple of bucket fulls from the sea you can create the perfect bath. Then just jump in and relax.

Over the last month I have played a couple of impromptu outdoor gigs and managed to do a bit more sampling. I need to pick up a few bits and pieces for my live show as its quite stripped down. I wasnt thinking cymbals between the knees or anything like that but just a couple of effects pedals and maybe something else..

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L.A, Elijah Wood and Glow worms

So, we were at the airport in Santiago ready to get a flight over to New Zealand and this guy comes over wearing a uniform and asks if we would be willing to stay in Chile for another night because the flight was full. The deal was that we were to stay in the Sheraton hotel for the night and the following day, with meals, plus $300 (or $800 off LAN flights). Errr lets just think about that for a minute.

So, back at the Sheraton, in the pool after having a decent nights kip in a luxury room with top notch fodder and ….wait for it… a bath, things are pretty cushy. Being paid for lounging about in a hotel, playing my guitar and watching films is something I could get used to. On arriving back at the airport that evening to take our flight we were approached once more by the same chap who asked if we would be interested in doing the same again but we pulled faces and ummed and aaghed and so we got $400 (or $1200 off LAN flights) and again I found myself in a hotel, sleeping, playing a bit of tennis (in skinny fit jeans) with the superlative king Andy Merrington and Jacqui Walls and generally getting paid for chilling out.

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Nothing to declare officer… Oh..

There are a few rules when you pass a police checkpoint. Follow the instructions you are given, clearly and precisely. Don’t say anything which might lead an officer to become suspicious.

So we left El Bolson in the Andes. I previously stated that it is a bit of a hippie town so you could understand why a police checkpoint down the road might have reason to employ a sniffer dog to ensure the highway isnt used as a trafficking route for Marijuana.

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Catch the face

I have been in Argentina now for bout 3 weeks and I can feel me heart screaming at me to stop eating steak. Its difficult not to when its so cheap. I kid you not they are the weight of a small child and I should know, I´ve eaten enough of em. Small children that is.

Spent a night in Salta following the border crossing. Saw a mummified child in the local museum who had been struck by lightning hundreds of years ago and preserved on a mountain top. Got a bus down to Buenos Aires and sat next to Sergio, an engineer who told me about his wife and three girlfriends and how Argentina was “muchas sex” (with actions).

Spent 5 nights in Buenos Aires and could have probably stayed for a year or so. Went to a park with hundreds of stray cats milling about. Saw Eva Peron´s grave at the majestic Recoleta cemetary and splashed out on a proper Tango show which was immaculate.

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Bitten by a dog but not yet foaming

In Ecuador, Vilcabamba and decided to do a bit of a hike up into the mountains to a deserted lodge. We pick up the key from a french lady who owns a cafe in town and bump into a strange jack the lad cockney who raves about medicinal ceremonies and can hardly speak he´s so mashed, he has told the locals he won the lottery … obviously a bank robber.  Anyhow, 45 mins into the hike and we are lost. We already had to take our shoes off to cross a river and then found our way in someones banana plantation. I lead the way through this farmers land and I saw a house between the trees. As I approached, the family who were sat around the dinner table, got up quickly to see who was approaching unexpectedly. This must have sent a signal to the fit but friendly looking dog on the porch. I made eye contact with the family and began a warm and apologetic greeting still moving towards them and in that moment the dog lurched forward biting hard and proper through my shorts into my thigh only a few inches away from the “crown jewels.”

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Shrunken Heads and halucinogenic cactus juice.

Currently in mountain village called Vilcabamba. Had a cool few days in the city of Cuenca where I saw some real shrunken heads in glass cases at the Banco central museum.  Their faces are eerie…the pores and the hairs are clearly visible with their sewn up mouths forming a deathly pilled up gurn. If I was a serial killer, I think I would shrink a few heads.

Also went to a skeleton museum although it was more like a skeleton room. We had to ring a bell because the doors were locked and then this large Ecuadorian woman who looked like a cleaner came to let us in. We paid her and then walked very slowly round the room. You wernt allowed to take pics but I managed to squeeze a couple off.

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The dead lady with missing legs (and other short stories)

Parted company with Dutch Frank in the Jungle at Merazonia ..now feeling as fit as a butchers dog after much lifting and tottering down narrow awkward trails stacked up with building materials. Had a cracking time helping out there and even got an exploratory trek to the outreaches of the area and a strange spooky place. Frank explained a year or so ago the remains of an old lady (minus her legs) were discovered high on the jungle covered mountain a coupla hundred meters from the place we were working. The police were called and a uniformed man arrived on a motorbike with a large hand gun in the back of his trousers. After proceeding to the remains, they discovered a large eagle screeching high in the trees and Frank claimed it was the only one he had ever seen in the area and had also been there on the discovery giving out the same solitary warning.

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