Shark attacks, cyclones, forest fires, Irish dancing on smack

Australia really is an island of extremes. At the moment, over 100 people have been killed in Victoria among uncontrollable forest fires and roads are blocked in the north of Queensland as Cyclone weather disrupts travel networks. I am due to meet with ex hollywood actress Diane Cilento whom I originally contacted over a year ago to ask permission to use some of her dialogue which I sampled from film “The Wickerman” for use in an Ernest track (Ernest being my former band). We have stayed in touch since and after almost meeting at an ‘exit calm’ gig in London last year, we will finally meet in person hopefully when I manage to get to Cairns. I sent Diane a copy of the Man-made album and she has offered me a gig at her rain forest theatre after the rainy season so I must return!

After my stint from the Blue mountains near Sydney where I spent new year, I had a catch up with sis Nic and Debbie Donut who had been Partying hard in my absence and found I had an invitation to go to the southern most Australian state, Tasmania, to meet some friends. In true british style, I ummmd and agghed about the cash for the flight but then took the plunge. After picking up a few effects pedals for my acoustic guitar I went for a drink with Dr Rob an anaesthetist friend who had been kind enough to invite us to his beautiful victorian townhouse for an xmas day party, show us bondi beach and to lend me his tent for my time in the mountains. Before jumping on the plane I managed to score a mind blowing vietnamese meal with Caroline Hawley a friend from back home (no relation to Richard) who offered me some gigs at her cafe bar (the tour dates are coming together)

Tazzie… Aussies abbreviate anything that can be abbreviated!… was quite breathtaking. I stayed with a friend of Andy Merrington - Legendary Ginger, Aussie, guide bloke Brad. His house in Hobart is essentially an open door for Backpackers and travelling souls who manage to find their way there. During my stay, he had to have a large splinter of wood removed from his foot which became stuck in there about a month previous on a hike through the bush. After surgery he held a sample bottle aloft in triumph with something 3 times bigger than the average matchstick rattling about inside it. Never once before the operation, climbing up cradle mountain and guiding us around the local Market (great sausage butties) did he complain about the pain…. that seems to be the aussie way.

He took us on a night drive along a stretch of road which had more marsupials hanging out than piss heads in Hull city centre on a saturday night. There were Wombats, Wallabies, Quolls, Echidnas, Pademelons and Tasmanian devils. Funnily enough, Tasmanian devils dont look anything like the Warner Brothers character, although some of their bizarre shrieks and wails sounded familiar…. Hull city centre on a Saturday night.

We drove up the Tasmanian coast and saw pristine waters, stunning coastline and a picture postcard wineglass bay, so named due to its immaculate circular shape, before heading on to camp on one of the many beaches. We saw a magical orange moon come up over the ocean and light up the bay. It was a good excuse to build a fire, play some music and enjoy Mr Merringtons hilarious moves.. Irish dancing on smack…

On the plane on the way back i made friends with a wonderful lady, Constance Millar from an island east of Brisbane. She told me about her tranquil life over there and invited me to stay.

Had tickets to The Big Day Out on the Gold coast and saw some live music. The choice and style of bands seemed really commercial. The Arctic Monkeys were disappointing. Alex Turner was more bothered about his big new hair than giving a wholehearted show and they changed parts of tracks to keep it interesting for themselves which is fair enough I suppose but it lost something for me. Highlights were My Morning Jacket and Eddy Current Suppression Ring. The latter are fronted by a double golf glove wearing nut job who cant get enough of the adrenaline and puts his head into speakers, stage dives ungracefully (losing his gold chain) and generally has a screw loose which gives the band an awesome edge.

After a couple of days on the gold coast which is predominantly a highly marketed, high rise party strip with a lack of soul but a monstrous surf beach, I jumped on a water taxi and took up Connie’s invitation for a couple of laid back days on North Stradbroke island. I was met with tea and home made pumpkin scones, cooked Blue Eyed Trevellan (fish) bought from the local fisherman on the BBQ and played some guitar for Constance and Lilly (her Maltese cross). I tried a bit of surfing while Connie did her crocheting and ended up paddling endlessly through huge crashing waves for approx 3 hrs until I was sick of it.  Good education on the movement of the ocean.

I met Connie’s Daughter Nicole and Grandson Richard. He told me in gory detail about a shark attack on a girl in the water only a few yards away from him. The girl made it to shore but she had been bitten so badly in the upper leg and arms that she bled to death before she could make it to the hospital in Brisbane. He explained that she was swimming at dusk and there had been a lot of bait fishing during the day and there were dolphins nearby. I guess you have to minimise the risk where possible. I went swimming on the same beach as part of Connies morning routine but it was first thing in the morning and we didnt stray far from the shore. Needless to say I felt a little uneasy.

Went to Byron bay (the drug capital of Australia apparrently). Sat on a beach (again) and contemplated life. Visited a chap called Tom Moonie, a championship winning ex Manly Rugby League player who met my old man. Left a brand new T-shirt in the local swimming pool changing room.

Rockhampton is the Beef capital of Australia. It trades and exports thousands of cattle a day. There is a pub called the Great North Western and I swear you could be in the heart of texas sitting in its undercover Rodeo arena. We went to see the Bull riding training night. Young lads with an unhealthy lack of fear jump onto raging beasts which are then unleashed into the dirt paddock. It is truly a fine spectacle. One chap was knocked out cold, barely escaped having his head squashed by the pounding hooves and appeared to have a fit. Although he didnt have much balance when he came to, he managed to walk out of the ring with his remaining dignity being shattered by the compere who pointed out to the crowd via a PA system, the young bull rider’s shortcomings.

Tried Estelle’s famous date loaf…super.

Saw a red back spider in the bush. She kills y’know.

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